She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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