i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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