We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
