My liver just broke up with me...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
