I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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