Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
