I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Found your dick twin last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
