I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
