I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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