i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
