It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
