and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
