OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I came so hard my ears popped.
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