I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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