you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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