I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
