she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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