But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
