Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
