That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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