Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
