well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
