Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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