My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
