My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
