ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
