so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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