I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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