I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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