i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
