Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
