You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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