haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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