I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
