you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
