Swine flu. Run for my life!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did i just pee glitter
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
