WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
