Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
