I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
