The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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