the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
