Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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