that's an acceptable place to lick
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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