i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
