guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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