blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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