Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
