and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
