How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
