I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
