u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you had me at cake vodka
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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