I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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