You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
